we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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My liver just had a heart attack.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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