I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize