Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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