Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize