Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize