nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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