so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
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Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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