Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize