I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize