she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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