So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize