He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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