Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize