We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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