I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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