Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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