If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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