Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't put those talents on a resume
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I want a musical about memes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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