Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
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Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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