I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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