im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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