I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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