who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
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Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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