The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
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why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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