you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
kristin has been a bad kristin
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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