Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize