he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize