...so i touched it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's the barista slut.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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