The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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