So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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