Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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