I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize