Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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