real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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