I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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