I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm at about main and main street
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
