Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
