Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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