You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize