I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize