is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
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I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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