I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize