he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
