Me too!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
