he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
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So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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