Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize