so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize