I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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