We're facebook friends in real life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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