she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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