I heard we made out
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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