my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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