Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
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Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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